The Myth of the Emotional Woman
What Neuroscience Gets Wrong About the Female Brain — and What Women Deserve to Know
“Women are more emotional. Men are more rational.”
We’ve all heard it.
But is it actually true?
Today’s episode will shock you. It shocked me.
Science shows men’s emotions fluctuate just as much as women’s.
In cultures with greater gender equality, male and female brains look more alike — not less.
So that leaves me asking the question:
What shapes the female brain more — hormones… or the world we live in?
I thought I understood the basics of female brain health — that hormones played a central role, and that puberty, periods, and perimenopause were at the core of it. Yet in this conversation with Dr Sarah McKay, neuroscientist and author of The Women’s Brain Book, left me hopefully that it isn’t all downhill post 35.
It turns out the story isn’t as simple as “hormones drive everything.”
Women’s brains are mosaics — shaped by biology and culture, and that women’s lived experience which play as much as an impact as our estrogen levels.What really stood out to me was how much things like early education, societal messaging, and cultural expectations influence not only how we feel, but how our brains function and change throughout life.
I sat down with Dr Sarah McKay to explore what the latest neuroscience reveals about the female brain — across every life stage. From puberty to pregnancy, and perimenopause to post-menopause, this conversation dives into what’s real, what’s myth, and how the brain responds to both hormonal shifts and social pressures.
We have to be aware of the story we are telling ourselves, where has this context come from? This is not to say that hormones do not play a role, of course they do, but are we only looking in one direction?
If you’ve ever blamed your brain fog, mood changes or emotional sensitivity solely on your hormones — this episode might just surprise you.
In this episode, Dr Sarah McKay breaks down:
Why there’s no such thing as a “male brain” or “female brain” — and what MRI studies really show
How puberty, pregnancy, and menopause shape brain structure and function
The myth of hormonal emotional instability — and what the data actually says about PMS and mood
How cultural narratives influence how we experience perimenopause
Why some women feel mentally sharper after menopause — not foggier
What neuroscience tells us about memory, ageing, and the evolving power of the brain across time
And why expectations may be one of the most underestimated forces shaping female health
This was one of the most layered, perspective-shifting conversations I’ve had on the podcast — and a powerful reminder that the female brain is not just reactive, but deeply resilient.
Because if there’s one thing Sarah makes clear, it’s this:
Women’s brains aren’t wired for decline — they’re wired for adaptation. Yes to that!
🎧 Listen to the episode now
My personal insights and takeaways
1. Brains Are Not Binary
“Rather than male brains are blue and female brains are pink and they’re completely different—brains are pieced together with a lot of stories, like a mosaic.”
Reflection:
We’ve long been told a simple story: male brains are blue, female brains are pink. It’s tidy. It sells. But it’s not science.
The truth? Brains are mosaics — a mix of traits shaped by biology, experience, and environment. No two are the same. Gender doesn’t neatly map onto wiring.
But we still cling to the binary because it’s comfortable. It gives us a script. And that script shapes how we raise children, lead teams, and judge emotions — often without realising it.
Maybe it’s time to stop asking, How are male and female brains different? And start asking, What stories are we still believing — and why?
2. The Brain Responds to Inequality
“When there’s more gender equality, male and female brains are more similar in structure. When there’s more inequality, they’re more different.”
Reflection:
The idea that inequality doesn’t just shape society—it literally shapes our brains. And interestingly, it’s not male brains that change the most in unequal environments—it’s female brains, often due to stress and limited access to enriched experiences. It's powerful proof that our social environment is deeply biological. Inequality doesn’t just impact opportunity — it imprints on the brain itself.
3. The Stories We Tell About PMS
“Maybe I should get PMS, and therefore I experience that… your expectations are an enormous part of the experiences you have.”
Reflection:
This made me pause. How much of what we experience is shaped by what we expect to feel? Sarah’s point isn’t that PMS or perimenopause symptoms aren’t real—but that they’re complex, and shaped by culture as much as by hormones. You’ll hear how shocked I was when she made this point, as men and women reading this will understand how PMS can affect a woman's life, work and relationships. However, it may show us a different area to navigate and explore, what was the messaging around PMS when you were growing up?
Our beliefs about our bodies really matter.
4. Men Aren’t More Rational
“Men can be deeply emotional… we just don’t frame it that way.”
Reflection:
We’re so conditioned to think of emotion as a female trait and logic as a male one. But Sarah flips that. Emotion isn't gendered—our interpretation of it is. The idea that men are ‘rational’ and women are ‘hormonal’ is not grounded in science, it's grounded in stereotypes. And it’s time we let that go.
5. Puberty and Mental Health
“A girl who goes through puberty early is more vulnerable to anxiety and depression—not because of the hormones alone, but because of how her social world responds to her.”
Reflection:
It's not just the biology of puberty that matters—it's the context. The way society reacts to a girl’s developing body can shape her mental health long-term. It's another reminder that brain health isn’t just about chemicals—it's about culture, environment, and how women are seen and treated.
If you’re a woman reading this — do you remember getting your first period?
Not just the moment itself, but how it felt to be seen differently.
And if you’re a man — have you ever asked your partner what that was like for her?
6. Brain Fog Isn’t Universal
“Not every woman shows cognitive decline across menopause. In fact, some women’s cognition improves.”
Reflection:
This is not the story we usually hear. But it’s such an important one. For many people who listen to Live Well Be Well peri-menopause has felt frightening, like a woman is losing part of who she once was. When I attend women’s health conferences, it is scary for me too.
Yes, brain fog is real for many women. But it’s not inevitable. Some women actually show cognitive improvement through menopause. And that’s not magic — it’s the brain’s built-in ability to reorganise, adapt, and recruit new pathways when it needs to. This is neuroplasticity in action. The brain isn’t shutting down — it’s recalibrating.
It’s time to stop viewing midlife as the beginning of decline — and instead, to start telling more diverse, grounded, hopeful stories about what this stage of life can mean.
7. Menopause Can Be Adaptive
“Maybe these changes in memory and cognition are adaptive. Maybe this is what our brains need for this stage of life.”
Reflection:
We often frame any cognitive change during menopause as a sign of loss — of mental sharpness, of capacity, of control. But what if that’s not the full picture?
Sarah explained that during menopause, the brain doesn’t just “lose” function — it reorganises. Networks that were once separated begin to integrate. Different regions — like both sides of the hippocampus — start working together, rather than independently. And this might actually be an advantage.
Instead of fast, surface-level multitasking (which we often associate with youth), the brain begins to prioritise depth, meaning-making, and connection. It's less about speed and more about synthesis — seeing patterns, making sense of past experiences, and guiding others through wisdom, not just information. In many ways, it’s the kind of intelligence we need for caregiving, leadership, mentorship — and for understanding our own lives more fully.
What if these shifts aren’t signs of decline, but signs of transition? The brain adapting to a new season. A different kind of intelligence for a different kind of role.
It made me feel more reverent about ageing — and far less afraid.
8. Sleep, Estrogen, and the Brain
“The top goes down, the bottom goes up… your brain thinks it’s overheating and it wakes you up. Again. And again.”
Reflection:
The way Sarah described how hot flushes affect sleep—and in turn, how that sleep affects brain fog—helps one understand why your body is reacting a certain way. It helped me understand why this symptom isn’t just ‘annoying’ for some many women—it’s neurological. The brain’s thermostat is real, and it matters.
First, know it’s not just in your head — disrupted sleep in midlife is often hormonal, not personal failure.
→ Track your symptoms. Noting patterns can help you link sleep issues to your cycle or perimenopause.
→ Support estrogen naturally — through strength training, phytoestrogens (like flax, soy), and managing stress.
→ Cool the sleep environment — fans, light bedding, and cooling mattresses can help calm that internal “thermostat.”
→ Talk to a healthcare provider about HRT or other supports — don’t let it go ignored.
Knowledge is power — and sleep is a foundation, not a luxury.
9. We Don’t Honour Late-Life Intelligence
“I have wisdom. I have life experience. I have the ability to connect dots. But we don’t tend to honour that in the same way we honour fast, sharp thinking.”
Reflection:
This felt so true. Our culture idolises quick minds, youthful memory, and multitasking. But what about depth, integration, long-form thinking? As we age, the brain shifts. It may lose some sharpness at the surface — but it gains depth. Pattern recognition. Perspective. Emotional nuance. The kind of wisdom you can’t cram or fake.
Instead of fearing this transition, maybe we need to revalue it. There’s power in slow thinking. In drawing connections others miss. In seeing not just what is happening — but why.
10. Rewriting the Narrative
“Our brains will often perform well—given the right stories.”
Reflection:
Our brains are not just biology; they’re meaning-making machines. If we constantly feed them fear-based, decline-focused narratives, they’ll respond in kind. But if we tell ourselves stronger, more compassionate, more truthful stories—our brains, and our lives, will rise to meet them.
Give it a story of safety, purpose, or possibility — and it performs.
From memory and mood to puberty, PMS and perimenopause — your brain is not just reacting, it’s adapting. Constantly reshaping, reorganising, and responding to the world around you.
This episode with Dr Sarah McKay completely shifted the way I think about women’s brain health — not as a story of decline, but one of resilience, intelligence, and lifelong transformation.
👉 Listen to the full episode here — and discover why your brain is far stronger (and more flexible) than the old narratives ever let on.
Please do leave a review and share the episode if it resonated with you — it helps more people discover Live Well, Be Well and also means the world to me.
Did you know that iron deficiency is more common in women — especially during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, and perimenopause? Low iron levels can impact energy, mood, cognitive clarity, and even how our brain functions.
It’s just another reminder that supporting the female brain isn’t just about hormones — it’s about whole-body health. That’s why I’m proud Live Well, Be Well is supported by Spatone, a natural liquid iron supplement that's gentle on the stomach and easy to absorb. I love that it's backed by science — and helps support iron levels without the usual side effects.
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If you’re looking for iron support that actually feels good to take, this is the one I trust. You can pick up Spatone at Boots or buy it online here!
If you're feeling unusually tired, foggy, or low in energy, it’s worth getting your iron checked. Your brain — and your body — will thank you.
Love,
Sarah-Ann x